Dealing with Hatred

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matthew 5:10-12)

My mom taught me a good trick that I learned early that helped me deal with people that don’t like me. As soon as I brought up mention that someone didn’t like me, she would say, “they’re just jealous.” I would then think to myself, “well, that’s not my fault,” then I would pity the person. So, I bandaged my wound while changing the way I felt about the people who had hurt me.

The bible talks about what to do when people don’t like you. When prophets were commissioned for their ministry and they were afraid of their enemies reviling them God told them not to look at their faces. Also, Jesus says that we should rejoice when people criticize and say negative things about us because we know our names are written in heaven and that’s how people treated the prophets while they were on earth (Matthew 5:10-12). Even amongst Christian company we can sometimes experience a bit of sibling rivalry and negative attitudes against us. Sometimes wounds from friends are better than kisses from an enemy (Proverbs 27:6). But even the devil masquerades as an angel of light so don’t be surprised when people who call themselves Christians talk behind your back or put you down (2 Corinthians 11:14).

Some Christians believe that their forgiveness only should extend to certain people. They believe the ones who don’t deserve forgiveness are not really Christians or what they’ve done is so vile that they shouldn’t be forgiven. If they can’t forgive someone and don’t want to admit it to their “Christian” conscience they will often say things like “I don’t like so-and-so.” They think they are reducing the problem to a preference instead of what it truly is, an unforgivable sin. Why do I go so far as to call it unforgivable? Jesus says that if you don’t forgive others, He will not forgive you (Matthew 6:14-15). The Lord says, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” (Romans 12:19). That means it’s not ok to use your Christian identity to condemn other people. Even with spirits, we are supposed to rebuke them by saying things like “may the Lord rebuke you,” instead of condemning them (Luke 9:42, Jude 1:9).

A preference against someone is not even likely. It’s more likely that you felt slighted around that person and your ego won’t get around to letting it go. Your ego likes enemies. It will rile you up and tell you all kinds of negative thoughts that make you feel superior to them. It will try and get you to open your mouth and gossip about them. Why? Because all negativity makes the ego bigger. The worst thing you could do is take their criticism to heart. “Preferences” against people are sometimes coverups for anger and hostility toward a stereotype that likely is just made up of pure ego and not the person’s true self. You have to remember that when you get upset it’s a reflection of yourself that you’re attacking in the other person. It’s not even you attacking, it’s your ego. Why would you attack yourself? You wouldn’t. But your ego would because it’s not you. The fact that it is attacking you makes that evident. That is why people criticize so much about the things they first see in themselves. “It takes one to know one,” right? The people that hate themselves the most are those who are to make the first criticism. And that is why I feel sorry for people that don’t like me.

I would like to define what the ego is for people that don’t know. The Google dictionary defines it as: a “person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance,”(Google). I like how Eckhart Tolle describes it when he describes the pain body. The pain body is the remnants of emotional abuse that create a shadow or dark presence in our lives. The pain body often makes up the ego. The definition of pain body is:

“It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a ‘painbody,’ an energy entity consisting of old emotion.” (Google)

Think about infants. How often do infants dislike someone? They don’t because infants don’t have egos yet. So when you encounter dislike, you have likely just had a run in with an ego not a person. Don’t be afraid or upset. Just acknowledge it and move on. If that same person had a mad crush on you would it be any more tolerable? No, because mad crushes are also generated by the ego. When a person is under the grips of the ego, it’s best to maintain your distance because they are looking for ego enhancements which come in the form of “heated discussions,” arguments, compliments to their ego, superiority over you, violence, in short – trouble. Them saying they don’t like you was only meant to inflame your ego so you would in turn get angry and inflame theirs. Thank God they made it obvious they let their ego get the best of them around you (they’re jealous) so that you now know to avoid them. It’s really only a blessing in the end. The best thing you can do is be nice to them so their conscious mind sees the discrepancy and realizes that they are acting in ways that are not godly. Also, you can maintain your integrity and good conscience.

Paul in Romans 12:20 says,

“On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” (NIV)

I think about Eckhart Tolle and how he’s a very meek and modest man in demeanor. He doesn’t have much for an ego. The benefit to that is that people rarely challenge him or bother him because he does nothing to ignite their ego. Other people’s egos don’t see anything in him that they can provoke so they don’t and he avoids much suffering. I would like to think Jesus had much in common with Eckhart Tolle.

Matthew 5:43-45 says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”