The Purpose of a Fascination with Darkness

I believe that there is a certain fascination people have with evil. It is seen as glamorous or mysterious and therefore enviable or interesting. If people could see the real face of evil they wouldn’t be interested. Action films indicate that violence is an acceptable means to an end. Horror films indicate that women are an acceptable target for violence at that hands of crazed men. They seem to say that a woman’s clothing or behaviors provoked an attack and that all women are deserving of punishment for “provoking” men. Children in these movies are seen as something other than innocent and that we should be afraid of spirituality in children. People think that thieves in movies deserve to punished severely but that eye for eye gouging is not the same for divorcees or male perpetrators of infidelity. All of this is due to a very upside down world where people reference the bible in justifying punishing others but don’t apply the same standard of chastity to themselves.

I read an article online that psychologists who tested the effects of pornography on men had to stop their studies because the pornography was creating sadistic male monsters. They couldn’t experience arousal without some form of violence or dominance inflicted over women by the end of their studies. This is the end goal of all violence and sadistic behavior in entertainment – to keep evil alive by perpetuating violence in a society that is so advanced it shouldn’t be necessary. It’s use is for those in power to stay in power by demonizing the other – that is people of color, minorities, women and children.

When Jesus died on the cross He said “it is finished.” When he rose again he said he had overcome the world. Jesus gave his followers all power to trample the enemy and said that nothing (none of the powers of evil) could by any means hurt his people. The devil already fell from heaven. His power is non-existent. Don’t engage in his behaviors. They all lead to death. That is what the devil is – very dead. His power lies in convincing others to do what he did or continues to do, sin. He can quote the Bible fluently as a means to his end but his wisdom doesn’t stand because he is a liar. Everything he says is a lie. He is a lie because in all his glory he doesn’t exist in God’s kingdom. Jesus says that the enemy has nothing “in” him. I think this is important to note because the devil can’t possess God’s children. He can’t take over a person or make them act in ways that are uncharacteristic of God’s nature. God won’t be mocked. A child of God doesn’t sin because it’s not attractive to them. They see with the Holy Spirit’s eyes that sin is worthless and it leads to death.

I used to be a little afraid of things demonic. As a child I watched Tales from the Crypt on TV and it really messed with my mind. However now that I know Jesus better I’m not afraid of the fake and the scare tactics of the devil. Now I have the mind of Christ. I believe that at one time, when he existed in heaven, the devil might have been beautiful. Sin, death and being fallen has rendered him an ugly spirit and therefore an ugly countenance. He is bent on destroying what is beautiful on this earth because it makes him jealous and angry. The jealousy and the anger contribute greatly to his appearance. It is the face of death. When he comes around his smell pollutes the air and makes people’s faces cringe. He is like trash. Heaven’s refuse. He is afraid of innocence and beauty because it condemns him. He is the opposite of innocence and beauty.

The devil uses the Bible to turn people that are actually sincerely seeking God to become rule loving religious overlords whose own guilt condemns them. Humans are naturally mistake makers. No one can keep the letter of the law except Christ himself. When he died he imputed righteousness on those that believed in him. Essentially, he imputed righteousness on those that believed God would save them. His name means, “He saves,” or “God saves.” If you believe God is good and will save you, you likely know him because He is good. That ensures that I Am will save you. The devil loves arguments about the law because they are self-righteous and judgmental. To judge is to try to usurp God. You can’t and in the end you just end up judging yourself.

Just remember that the devil is judged and basically dead. He can’t hurt you if you know Christ. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and we know that those who live by the sword will die by it. He is already dead because his purpose he’s made for himself has condemned him. For your sake, stay positive, hopeful and happy and don’t focus on evil. In Christ, we have sound and healthy minds.

Mind Binding Literature and Religion

I think it’s important to use your mind when trying to discern what is truth. It’s important to follow logic all the way through and say “If such and such principle or maxim is good it is only good to the extent that it can translate and apply to all people and situations.” The problem of unqualified religious leaders is the same today as it was in Jesus’ day. Basically they were people of small minds who liked it when other people mindlessly obeyed them. This is consistent across politics, education, and down to religious leaders. Some religious leaders use their church platform to endorse and support their own agenda. I’ve noticed this to be particularity true with male leaders of the church that don’t really know a God that loves all people. They know a God of the Bible or a god of their forefathers. It is basically something that was handed down to them that does have personal relevance to them but not to anybody else. It makes them feel good to recite religious law and the Bible with emphasis on certain syllables in order to make themselves look like gods of route learning. They like to hear their own voices. Their god isn’t the God that created the Universe it’s the god of patriarchal literature that has afforded them so much power in this generation.

The only church that can teach you anything other than man’s opinions is the church of the Holy Spirit. God gives His Spirit freely to whoever asks (Luke 11:13). It does us no benefit to attend church Sundays if the religion is dead. If it doesn’t feed the innermost parts of your soul, it’s dead. Even if the church has some wisdom, if they don’t operate under gifts of the Spirit, it is worldly and carnal and of no benefit to you.

When is the last time you heard a sermon about women in politics, abortion, black power, gay and lesbian rights, or even animal rights or earth ethics, legalizing marijuana and the liberation of the prison population? None of these things matter to the church of the world because they don’t generate revenue. These topics liberate and empower people when they are covered sensibly. By quoting the Bible and not knowing it’s historical context or basic human nature they whitewash and drown out it’s wisdom. They use it to glorify capitalism and taker mentality. The church of the world is destined to die when world systems naturally rot from the inside out.

The Bible can become an idol like any other. History is malleable. We know that because men throughout the ages have basically written women out of history. History is subjective. Eternity and time cannot coexist. Wake up! Eternity is now. Your eternity of paradise is moment by moment being stolen from you by people that can’t think outside of the box (or the Bible, literally). Historical documents are used as a power grab by ballsy individuals interested in binding your mind to their dominance.

It’s like the two individuals of the Bible that wanted to be crucified like Christ in order to attain his position in kingdom come. But people bent on murder will eventually kill themselves. Those that live by the sword die by it (Matthew 26:52). The world church is basically a cartel of souls. They try to get people to marry and make babies because that’s all that is profitable to them. The church of the world so proudly quotes the Bible verse that woman was made for man so that they can get women to sell their souls. They’ve never perfected the institution of marriage and they aren’t interested in perfecting it. They use it as a binding device in order to bind people to things of the world. A marriage is a binding of egos for the destruction of the soul and the writing away of individual power. They say vows even though Jesus specifically said to make your yes yes and your no no because everything else is from the devil (Matthew 5:37). Because you can’t control the next moment why would you bind yourself to an individual whose destiny you cannot guarantee? Also, why would you bind yourself and commit yourself to the affairs of this world when your mind should be fixed on things of an immortal nature? Soldiers enlisted for battle don’t get involved in civilian affairs (2 Timothy 2:4). The people worthy of the kingdom of heaven neither marry or are given into marriage (Matthew 22:30). Think about that before you give credence to the churches of the world. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

The Meaning of Israel

Sandhill Crane

Religion is a problem. It is usually a set of rituals people keep in order to appease God while living their lives without His presence. Words and mental training are typically used to bind the mind. I realized this while working with my client. She doesn’t talk but she’s taught me a lot. I used to study languages and I thought that it gave me special insight into culture and specific parts of the mind where language is developed. I studied German, Spanish, French, Chinese, Italian and of course, I speak English. While I did not achieve fluency in every one of those languages I did learn how to confuse my mind and prayer life. I would avoid specific words that sounded or reminded me of things I didn’t want to think of. An example: ça or that in French. In French to say this word is to indicate the other thing or not this thing. In Spanish, “sa” which is pronounced the same, is used to indicate the devil. For this reason I avoided saying “that” in French. French is one of the first languages I learned so it has a special and sort of primal place in my vocabulary. Do you see my problem? Then I started noting that in popular culture, a common way to describe oneself is to use the saying “I like it like that.” I’m thinking of Cardi B’s new single. But what exactly is that and why is it problematic?

Lately, I’ve been getting feelings in my heart. It feels like a burning and it serves to let me know that God is near and I am safe. I am this feeling. It consumes what is me – my heart. God in the Bible is also known as “I am.” God’s people are known as Israel. This word can be deconstructed in two ways, by syllable in meaning or by part in English. Is and real are two parts because we are what is real as God’s people. Also “Is,” “ra” and “el” are the three components that make up the word. You’ll see that the rest of the bible is very similar. Ra means breath and can also mean the word for the ancient Egyptian main diety. God doesn’t forget names so I doubt he was mistaken. The bible says that God acknowledges all who serve Him so it may be likely that the Egyptians knew a little something about God in their naming of their ancient gods. Similarly, the word for God in French is Dieu which is similar to the word Zeus – the main diety in Greek religion. “El” means God or the base of all things. In Spanish the word el means “the” which takes a masculine form or “he.” “Is-Ra-El” means breath is God or God is breath. Breath indicates life, therefore God is the only indicator of life. The Holy Spirit is the “spir” or breath of God. It makes us whole.

Anything without breath is not real or dead. “God is the god of the living,’ as Jesus put it. That is the other “non-living” thing. It is not real. Literally, it is not Israel and is the devil. Jesus says that anyone who believes in Christ will never die. You see that breath is natural. It just flows because it is. God makes it happen. There are a lot of new age religion that believe in the power of now. That is because now is the only moment that inherently has any power. In now is the power of choice. What you did yesterday you can’t change and what you do tomorrow you don’t have the circumstantial power to control. You could be dead tomorrow.

Honestly, all the biblical hype about the future and it’s impending doom doesn’t matter. It’s not like God to make His children worry about something He is in complete control of. It is like the devil to make people afraid of the future and of him and his future. But he’s already dead and suffering. His “life” is full of misery and suffering because of what he chooses to focus on, the past – his former glory. Seriously, if the end of the world comes, what does it matter? So we suffer for a moment then die. Then what? The bible says the dead know nothing – so what is the difference? Why worry? Heaven is now. The kingdom of heaven is within us. Don’t be scared by those petty preachers who preach hellfire and brimstone because they have no idea of what they speak. They are sensationalists trying to get a reaction so that their present glory will be like that of their past. They are like the devil in that they are driven by falsity and by what is not real. They aren’t evil – they just aren’t. They don’t exist in reality.

Don’t be afraid of what people bent on violence can do to your body because Jesus can heal anything and the bible says his disciples will do works greater than that.

Animals don’t speak and they are happy. I think this is because words can bind us to commitments that we can’t keep because we aren’t in control of our future. Anyway, I believe that what is not real influences a lot of religion and this should not be. If you are reading this and breathing, rejoice, because you have breath. Because heaven is within you, you are. You have a choice to live your life free of violence in this present moment. You can still choose life. You can still choose to serve a God who forgives and gives life. You can still choose to use words that forgive and choose life.

Keep Your Chin Up

Yesterday I did some shopping for groceries at Costco. As I was looking around at the people there, I noticed many were older and looking very tired. I myself was feeling tired. I started to get irritable because there was a lady there that nearly hit me with her cart in an effort to get ahead of me and get the last of the sample tray. I started to think about it and I got really angry. Then I got in line to pay and there was something wrong with the produce I bought so I had to go back and get another bag of it. I was really irritated. Then on the way out the door, I saw a man that must have weighed upwards of four hundred pounds that was really dirty and stinky. I had to hold my breath when I walked behind him to avoid the urge to vomit. i got in my car and started to exit the parking lot. People were driving faster than the speed limit and riding my tail.

My next stop was Meijer. I got in the parking lot and saw a friend of mine. I felt better. Suddenly it was if the clouds lifted. I realized how negative I was being. I started to think well I can either have a good day or a bad day and I think I would like to have a good day. So I told myself, if my friend Jodi the cart pusher can smile in this heat, why can’t I focus on good things? So I said, “let’s clean this mess up.” I picked up the trash in my car and threw it out. As I walked in I noticed a license plate with three almost consecutive sevens on it. People looked younger, happier and friendlier. Three girls walked their service dog in training into Meijer ahead of me. Everything was better. Then, as if to show me what the lesson for the day was, I walked by the candy isle and there was an old man in a wheelchair with too much cologne on complaining to three Meijer workers. He was the oldest person in the store and he smelled like he rolled in cologne. I smiled and didn’t think twice about it.

When I got home I realized that when I was directing my focus on problems and negativity, I felt old and irritable. Smells became noxious and everyone around me started to look old. Beautiful people know the secret to beauty – positivity. Your mind is like a flashlight and what you shine it on kind of becomes you. There are different areas all around that you can focus on and the outside is always a reflection of the inside. If you focus on the positive, you are literally seeing the face of God because He is good. When Moses focused on God’s image (his backside) on the mountain, his face became radiant. It was so radiant, people had to look away. If you focus on beauty – in any form, you will become beautiful. If you focus on negativity, sadness, filth, ugliness – you will look ugly because your face is a reflection of what you see. I always say, what you behold you become.

It is for this reason I tend to regulate strictly what my eyes, ears and body take in. If I focus on negative media – the news, television, Facebook, I will become negative. Even in terms of what you eat – beautiful and colorful fruits and vegetables tend to bring the most nutrients to the body. My mom has been trying to teach me this lesson all my life. She’s beautiful and she’s in her early sixties. It is because she surrounds herself with beauty and focuses on it. She likes to be outdoors and to garden. She eats healthy foods most of the time. She avoids sugar.

That may seem like a trite add-on to this post but sugar is a very negative chemical. It causes so many problems in the body, including anxiety, tiredness and obesity.

When it comes to religion, people that focus on things that you can’t do as a Christian and things that they don’t accept – the devil, homosexuality, etc, they become those things. Think of the people that carry signs that say “God hates fags.” Their faces are twisted in anger and they actually become an embodiment of anger and hate. This is what led to the downfall of the devil himself. It is why you see the devil in their faces. They focus on what they don’t want to be and in doing so – become it. It’s weird logically but there is overwhelming evidence of it in society.

This is the reason I love nature so much. It’s beautiful. Animals are beautifully created. So are humans. What you put into your mind and body is a reflection of what you are. If it’s ugly, look away. Don’t focus on it. If you don’t focus on the devil and his negativity, he can literally do nothing with you. Something in you has to resonate with him in order for his negativity to stick to you and age you. Don’t let it. Focus on love and positive thoughts and you will beat his attempts to sabotage you. He wants to kill you, simply put. Heaven is in your mind and if you create an atmosphere that is full of light your mind will be full of light and the Kingdom of Heaven will be within you.

Overcome Evil by Doing Good

This is basically a journal entry with advice to myself. If you find it beneficial we will both be blessed by it. I have been going through some trials at work and normally I can just brush it off especially when I’m at work because I have a job to do and my mind is focused on doing it well. As a caregiver, I’ve found that over the years, working with people that need special care draws you closer to God and closer to whomever you’re caring for. Although the compensation (pay) doesn’t reflect this, caregiving can be stressful. You have to make sure your cup is full emotionally before you can reach out to help others. Having a younger sister who is severely disabled, I’ve been caregiving all my life. The people I have cared for mostly have cognitive and communicative disabilities. The two that I see the most have autism and cannot speak. I myself have Asperger’s which is a form of autism. As a Christian, I realize that in our lives there is always demonic activity trying to pull us away from God. As a person with autism who also deals with people with autism I am starting to see how it affects us.

I will try to communicate to you how it affects me. Typically it starts with a suggestion. Like in the Garden of Eden story, we perceive a lack or deficiency in God’s provision or plan (if we know it). When we perceive the assumed deficiency we start to think about it’s unfairness and God’s inability to provide for our needs in a way we would deem sufficient. Caught in a poor me or what if fallacy of thinking, we lose trust in God and start to meditate on our condition as the devil or ego has explained it to us. We will either start to worry or start to get angry. These are dark emotions that make the ego bigger and stronger. When the ego gets stronger and our trust in God wanes we start to push away from prayer and begin a meditation for chaos because the same spirit that is fueling our ego is also fueling and carrying out our fears. The bible says not to worry because worry does not help anything and nothing is achieved by over-activity in the human mind. Jesus says that we cannot turn our hair from white to black or gain a single inch in height by worrying.

In some people, they have seizures and lose control of their bodies. In me, it creates a spirit of fear and I am unable to control my thoughts. They become catastrophic and worry based and I start to withdraw socially or sink into depression. The bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of sonship by which we cry out to the Father, “Abba,” or “Daddy.” In other words, God gives His children a seeker’s spirit and a spirit of worship. From our mouth should pour out praise and affection for God and our brothers and sisters in Christ.

There is a way to stop all demonic activity before it becomes overwhelming. First, stop thinking negative. You probably have some thoughts that come in involuntarily. They are fast, negative, and judgmental. However, if you choose to mull over those thoughts and repeat them you are fueling a cycle that will eventually leave your realm of control. Your ego will take over and you’ll find yourself in the company of negative spirits. If you need more help stopping the negative thoughts I recommend the second step: pray. In order to counteract negative spirits you need the sword of the Spirit which is the Word. You need to speak the truth you know about God and your situation in a prayer in order to reaffirm what you already know: God is sufficient. Essentially, God is in control and bigger than the negative thoughts or spirits you’re fighting. I recommend reading the bible every day just to remind yourself of passages that have helped you in the past. Get your bible dirty, marked up and dog-eared. I don’t mean to say you should drop it in the mud but do underline and highlight the verses that you find meaningful. Before you read, ask God to point out to you what He wants to show you for the day. It will likely be useful to you or someone else in your day’s journey.

The third way to get rid of all the negative energy is to shift your focus. Do something good. It could be small but it will occupy your thinking and focus your mind on doing good. Not only will you feel great, you will be helping someone else feel great, too. The bible says we overcome evil by doing good.

My last bit of advice to myself is to not allow anything bad to come out of your mouth. If you need to vent, do it in prayer with a spirit of confession. God is very serious about not grumbling against Him or others because it can be so damaging and permanent when your negative thoughts are spoken. It is very hard to take back negative words spoken and they can call and attract negative energy. In one way it gives people fodder to see negativity in you and dislike you. In another way, it puts you in agreement with the devil’s negative mindset. This is something that will drag your spirit down fast.

Also, I would like to point out that heaven and hell exist in our minds. One way to ensure happiness is to carry heaven in your heart and mind so that when and if you do find yourself in hell you will not suffer from it’s effects. Given the unpredictability of our world’s political climate you will probably find this useful. If you can stay positive you will realize that the Kingdom of Heaven is truly within you.

Getting Through Despair – A Case Against Works Based Theology


Recently a friend of mine told me he had an uncomfortable experience when another person asked him if he was saved. Knowing my friend is saved, I asked him why he felt uncomfortable. He said that he knows he’s not perfect and that he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough to be called a Christian. I myself have fallen into this thinking trap so I knew what to tell him to get him out of it. You see the devil is always trying to make us doubt our salvation. If he can make believers into doubters he can temporarily derail a perfectly good witness for Christ.

Many Christians believe they have made mistakes too grave for Christ to forgive and as a result they have fallen away or remained crouched in the fetal position when it comes to proclaiming what they believe. Works based theology says that we are Christians based on what we do. But the Bible never says our works are anything more than filthy rags in front of Christ’s sacrifice (Isaiah 54:6). His sacrifice and our belief in him is what makes us righteous. Belief is a gift from God. So you can see that salvation has nothing to do with our works but everything to do with the work the Holy Spirit is doing in us. Jesus says that his yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV). If we had to amass our own salvation with works what would we need Christ for? The Bible says that we can do nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5). All our energy, righteousness, faith, love and hope begin and end in God – the Alpha and the Omega.

The early Christian church dealt with the heresy of works based theology. Paul said that those who teach works as a way to salvation are better off not to procreate because they are denying the power of salvation that came through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. They people that preached that people had to be circumcised in order to be saved in addition to believing in Christ were considered heretics by the Apostle Paul. He actually said they should emasculate themselves because their offense was so serious (Galatians 5). God wants us to live by grace and he will commit the fulfillment of the law with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Christ is the fulfillment of the law and we were meant to live by grace not by works. He came so that we would have joy to the full not a burden of keeping the law by our own striving (John 10:10). This type of works based salvation is very attractive to bible thumping hell fire and brimstone preachers because they believe it makes them superior to other believers and heathen.

Good works do have a place in a Christian’s life. They are a result of God’s grace. They are not burdensome or heavy. Good works are a byproduct of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit so that we don’t go around boasting about how great we are but so that we give God all the credit and glory for our salvation and everything that comes with it.

Despair comes from works based theology. It’s during the struggle that we experience despair because at some point we realize that nothing is good enough. We find our human condition in a state of despair. It robs us of our joy and shackles us in despondency. Despair is the opposite of what Christ has planned for us. He came that we might have joy and have it to the full. It causes depression. Depression is demonic oppression. The devil knows you can’t save anyone when you are depressed. No one wants what brand of religion you’re selling if it doesn’t even make you happy. It’s hard to even find a reason to wake up in the morning when you’re feeling despair.

Our nation is in a state of despair at this point. People are just trying to make it through the day and not necessarily preaching the gospel. If they knew the gospel they wouldn’t have to preach it their lives would be a living sermon. Now they are trying to bandage their wounded spirits with entertainment and consumerism. People are sluggish, tired, and fat because they are using maladaptive coping mechanisms (addictions) as idols to replace the joy that is missing in their lives from not knowing the gold that lies in the message of the gospel. The message is “Christ has risen and He has overcome the world!” We are overcomers; we have hope. We have a purpose. Our God has not abandoned us. Joy comes from knowing you are saved. It comes from knowing the gospel. Ultimately it comes from a rich a full life that is inspired by the Holy Spirit. If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus Christ now, what are you waiting for? He’s the only way toward freedom from despair, despondency and the struggle.

Do Not Worry


Don’t worry. We had a sermon about this last Sunday and it really helped me so I think I will expound on it and share my thoughts and experiences so that someone else can benefit from them.

The Bible says that God never gives us more of a burden than we can carry on any given day. Thoughts come in our heads all day but we don’t have to build on them or unpack them. If you are worried about something pray about it and Christ will take care of it.

We just aren’t built to carry the burden of worry. Not many animals have pockets or purses yet they seem to always have enough to eat and a place to sleep. This is because God feeds them what they need when they need it. If they worried about tomorrow they wouldn’t have the energy to forage today. They’d be weak, ugly and sick. Their hair would be coming out it clumps and they would probably stink a lot worse than what is natural from all of their sweat. God doesn’t say don’t be ready for the future, he just says don’t worry about it. Sure the end of the world could be coming tomorrow but who cares? We’ll all be dead if it does. What’s the worst that can happen? We die. If we die we won’t even know we’re dead because the dead know nothing. If they know nothing, they know no pain.

If God couldn’t handle things, by definition, He wouldn’t be God. Worry is a form of striving. We don’t need it. It’s outputting energy into the atmosphere that serves no functional purpose. It’s like a hamster on a wheel. It’s not going anywhere; it makes the hamster tired and it doesn’t fuel anything important. At least a hamster on a wheel is getting exercise but worry is not a good outlet for mental energy. If you stay busy with your hands or mind by working or reading you won’t have any use for worry. They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop and I concur. Don’t let yourself get bored because boredom often leads to worry.

Also, don’t eat a lot of sugar. Sugar makes our minds and bodies susceptible to demonic attack. It can cause anxiety and a whole host of physical problems. The same is true for simple carbohydrates like white bread or pasta. When I work I sometimes end up eating too much sugar because it’s all that’s available. When this happens I will often have anxiety attacks that come with no warning or cause (besides the sugar). What I mean is that I will have crippling anxiety with no thoughts that should have provoked it. It’s very scary. When I eat healthy I don’t suffer from anxiety at all. It has been said that sugar is more addictive than cocaine. People that eat a lot of sugar often look and feel old at a young age. It reduces the body’s ability to heal itself. If you eat it it will rot your teeth. When it’s rotting your teeth, what do you think it’s doing to the rest of the body – especially when our teeth (or bones) are the hardest structures in our body?

If you have a lot of excess mental energy, I recommend reading or exercising. If you don’t have the patience for that, maybe play a video game. It will buffer the energy and give you something constructive to think about (as long as it’s not a violent game). You can also create things with arts and crafts or painting.

Above all else, if you try to stay positive and think about things that make you happy you will not have time or energy for worry. You’ll find yourself even looking better. You can be your own natural antidepressant. All this requires a little bit of discipline which doesn’t readily seem to sell in our country but it’s worth it.

Love Defeats Darkness

Love is the only way to defeat the darkness. I am a fighter. A lot of the time I am alone and it is important that I stay strong because sometimes there is no one around to encourage or help me. I’ve been judged, hurt, neglected, discriminated against, and even called a witch. I am eccentric and usually awkward socially but honest and faithful. For a long time I thought that I had something wrong with me because I was different than other people I knew. Turns out, I am autistic, which accounts for most of my eccentricities and awkwardness. I’ve finally found a job where I can make a difference in people’s lives and it’s even made a difference in mine. I work with autistic adults, assisting them in their daily living.

For most of my life I’ve thought that being strong meant me against the world because outwardly, that is how life appeared to me. In school I mostly kept to myself although I was friendly and nice to all my peers. My stepdad for a long time now has felt like my enemy. His exterior is very rough and he doesn’t compromise much or show things like happiness or love. This disturbs me and I am usually very shut down around him because I am afraid of getting emotionally hurt. Recently, I realized that I needed to try a different way.

The only thing that has ever prompted positive behavior toward others in me is love. When people reach out to me and show me kindness my heart learns to trust them and open up to them.

I began going back to a church I used to go to with the intention of loving the congregation. At first, I was afraid they would judge me but now I’m fixated on showing them love and helping them. They showed love to me in opening their doors to me and I appreciated it. Deep down I know that I need to maintain internal strength and faith independent of the church family for their sake and mine. People may not understand everything about you and they might judge you negatively but you have to maintain your faith and confidence in Christ for the sake of your own conscience and integrity. You should make sure you’re doing good when no one else is looking and that you’re not putting on an act for church folk.

When we love people we open their hearts to change. When we are careful and considerate in our actions we open the channels for constructive learning. The only reason people act bad is because either they feel unloved or they don’t know any better. Both can be remedied when we show love.

We wage war all day long with darkness. Violence only begets violence. Anger only causes violence and darkness to thrive. If you try to defeat evil by violence you will only make the darkness in you stronger. If you try to fight hate with hate you’ll only reap darkness, misunderstanding, and fear. To defeat darkness you must show love and do good. Acts of love are never wasted. No one may know what you’ve done to help other people but God knows. Also, you must not treat yourself poorly. Be rich in kindness toward yourself. Don’t criticize things you can’t change in yourself. Think about things that make you happy and don’t beat yourself up anymore. If you make a mistake, say sorry and move on. Do your best.

Never Give Up

I don’t know if other people struggle with this issue or not but I will share my experience in order to shed light on a mindset that is rarely talked about in the Christian church. When I used to go to church I would feel so uncomfortable. The experience was completely overwhelming. What I felt was that if I wasn’t doing the Lord’s work I wasn’t doing enough. I thought it was necessary to become a minister and preach the Word and save souls in order for me to be saved. The truth is there are a lot of needs in the church and to fill those needs it only is necessary that we do simple acts of obedience with love. It is not necessary to preach to people because most of your sermon doesn’t come from your words but from your actions. God sees and knows this and it is exactly why He equipped us with a ready, willing and healthy spirit – His Spirit, in fact, so that we could help those in need.

There isn’t some special knowledge that God endows us with that imparts upon us favor. Belief begins and ends with God so that God gets all the glory. He gives us faith and our gifts are exactly that, gifts. This makes it so people can’t boast that they have some sort of special knowledge that saves them. I believe this is called Gnosticism. It’s really just a tactic of the devil to keep us tied up in knots. When we’re constantly trying to be good we are so focused on ourselves in striving, it’s exhausting. No one is able to be helpful when they’re physically and psychologically exhausted. Striving is of the flesh and it causes jealousy, selfish ambition and strife between people. None of that is necessary. God doesn’t need our help to do His work but he blesses us with His Spirit so that we can share in His joy.

The devil puts us down, he wears us down, and he has many faces. Once you realize that he has many faces and can fill anybody at any time you start to understand how serious the battle is. If you don’t have God’s spirit you will be defeated. By nature we are little more than worms. But with God’s Spirit we really can do anything. A tactic I have learned to help me cope with the ups and downs and subtle discouragements that come is to stay positive and never give up. When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. He’s very insecure so he will point out your weaknesses in order to destroy your confidence. He will try to humiliate you into not sharing your testimony. But don’t doubt the progress God has made in you. You may have made mistakes but none are so serious that they can’t be forgiven.

You are important to God and He loves you. He would never hurt or discourage you into feeling defeated. Also, God has promised to never leave or forsake His children. That is a promise that you can believe in. Remember the Israelites were stuck in the desert for 40 years traveling around the same mountain on a journey that technically should have only taken 11 days. God prepares us thoroughly for the promise land as He did the Israelites. He wants to bless us abundantly but we have to be ready for it so that we don’t slip into forms of idolatry once we arrive. Things may look bleak but don’t give up because God has promised not to give up on you.

Now, I am a queen of “what-if” questions. If there is a subtle possibility of there being a loophole in God’s promise, I have tried to find it. Honestly, with all my experience and research I’ve only found it to be true that God’s promise remains one-hundred percent foolproof. If any of His children could fall or be snatched from His hand His promise would be void. I am one such example of the tried and true promise. I thought I would go to hell because of the mistakes I made while saved. But that is a fear that comes from the pit not from God. Your church may even give up on you but God won’t. He can and will use everyone He’s called to fulfill His purpose.

If I believed that liar that is the devil I’d believe I was going to hell for leaving church early on Sunday or for swearing in my mind. The truth is that the devil knows how to make us feel guilty because it’s all that he feels (that and fear). He will project his guilt onto anyone that will accept the blame. We just have to remember that Christ’s sacrifice was enough to save the worst sinner. If it wasn’t, what good would it be? We’re all destined for hell without Christ because the Bible says “no one is good.” Don’t let people shame or dirty look you into thinking you’re worthless. You’re not. Also, God is not a respecter of persons that some people would be holier than others due to their profession, deeds or special knowledge. Don’t let people brow beat you. You are just as valuable as they are to God.

What Not To Do

There are three things that I’ve learned that God does not want us to operate from. They are: striving, fear and forgetfulness.

Let’s start with forgetfulness. We know the importance of the maxim “Know thyself.” When you make the same mistakes over and over again something is not going right in your learning process. Basically, you are not learning from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Sin is a mistake. We aren’t expected to not make mistakes but we are expected to learn from them. If you know what your weaknesses are you can make a plan to avoid situations where you will be tempted to sin. For instance, if you are an alcoholic, you might want to avoid that buddy that tells you it’s not going to hurt anything to get loaded again. It does you no good to forget your buddy is also an alcoholic.

We should never forget what God has done for us. We should never forget where we came from and what it felt like when God freed us from sin. Sin is bondage. When you don’t have Christ you are under the curse. Your body is bound for decay and will reap the fruit of sin – death. When you are saved you are no longer under the curse. Your body is not under the bondage of death and decay; you have crossed over from death to eternal life. When Christ took on the cross he took on the curse and nailed it to the cross. He put to death death and ended the curse. There is no longer a curse for those who are in Christ. They are free from bondage. Don’t forget what that feels like. When you forget what God has done for you, you are more likely to sin against Him.

The second thing God doesn’t want us to operate out of is fear. God has not given us a spirit of fear. He’s given us His Spirit. That also means he doesn’t want us to worry. Jesus promised two things that contradict a spirit of fear: peace and joy. If the majority of the time you do not experience peace or joy you should question whether or not you are truly following God’s lead. Our peace and joy should guard our hearts from turmoil and reassure us of the promise of our salvation through Christ Jesus. These two things are evidence that we’ve been given God’s Spirit and that we are sealed for a victorious life in Christ. A spirit of fear causes bad behavior. It can also cause striving, the third element that God wishes to clear from our behavior.

Striving is against God’s will for us. When you strive you risk making what you strive for an idol. Instead of being content with the moment of now you are focused on the future. When you are striving you cannot experience joy because your effort is centered on something that is essentially out of your control in attaining: the future. You don’t know if you will live or die tomorrow, so why focus your efforts on something that you do not know whether or not you will be there to enjoy? You have the present moment and in this moment Christ has guaranteed peace and joy.

To grasp those things in the future is called striving and it doesn’t work. Striving steals our peace and joy in the present because when you strive you are not content with what you’ve been given. God doesn’t say that salvation is something you strive for. It is a free gift. You’ll never be perfect based on your striving or wanting to be like Christ. Wanting to be something is futile. You are not your creator. The best you can do to attain salvation is to believe in Christ’s sacrifice. Even then, faith is also a gift from God. Nothing you do can save you. It’s like a pig bathing to get the mud off in mud. When your thoughts and heart are far from God, no amount of will power or mental energy can clean that up. You have to let a clean God wash your conscience clear. You know deep down you are a sinner. Everyone is. No one can save you but God Himself. Jesus is the only sinless human because He is also God. Lay down your burden and let Christ carry you to the other side. Because of sin and the guilt it brings you are already tainted. Like a dirty pig you can’t wash your mind free of guilt by wanting to be clean. The human condition indicates that you are born into sin. No one can escape fatality on this planet unless they are sinless and only Christ was.

God is the author and perfector of our faith. God’s plan for salvation is good enough for everyone. He did it Himself and He will receive all the glory for it.